you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
false alarm, still single
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
