too bad you live with your parents still
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Panties = found
Randomize
