just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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