ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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