I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
