Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
