Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize