i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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