i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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