One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
