id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
