You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
