swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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