Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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