Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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