I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
