He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
