I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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