i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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