Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Why can't burritos get me drunk
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
