You're my little dorito
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
