this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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