I heard we made out
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
why is half of my head shaved?
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