Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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