So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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