after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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