There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
