I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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