ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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