Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
