Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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