WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
