eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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