Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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