Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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