So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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