Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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