cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
