He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
