doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
