i barfeds in our rink
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Randomize
