Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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