Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
