im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize