he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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