i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
There's even glitter on my cock...
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