3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
