Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
