If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize