You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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