he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
