I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize