I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wish you could order shots online.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
