What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
