If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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