there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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