i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
