If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
