She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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