I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize