Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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