Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
