how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
