Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
