Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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