did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
