i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize