I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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