You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
