I am puke
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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