my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Is Oprah even human
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
