Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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