Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize