I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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