Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
