Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
