I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
