I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
