you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
