Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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