Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize