I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
