I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize