My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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