If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize