im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
