I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
