i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize